Ever have one of those days were you feel like you really shouldn’t have gotten out of bed. Yeah that’s pretty much what it was like when the walls came down that terrible day in Box Cutter. Why am I telling you this, why are you sitting here reading this report that pretty much shows that hindsight might be fucking great 20/20 but you can’t stop something things like fate. Well whatever hole Tire Iron fell into has pretty much kept him out of the scene and I feel like someone needs to let people know what happened, and why. Well you look out the window and watch the world pick up the pieces after the devastation grab a mug of soy co-co and settle into the ARO feed of the day the world just went wrong.
For me it all started with that call. I was just coming out of a little deep vr run I was enjoying when my comlink starts screaming at me from Phade. Yeah that’s right, Box Cutter’s local saint, martyr and generally one of the scariest people I have ever had the privilege of watching the back of. Now don’t get me wrong, the video footage of Phade taking a smg mag right to the face well she is in beserker rage coming at you with that bat of pain in the ass tails, is pretty damn off your rocker, in your face, make you wet your pants, scary. However the phone call I got telling me she just took down a nasty clone of
herself in a fisticuffs makes me wonder just how much rubble was left from that little tate-tat. That’s when all of a sudden I go from deep freeze vr mind numb to grab your coat neo cause we need guns, lots of guns, this shit just got real. The rest of the team chimes in on the vr conversation and we realize we have a small problem. How do you keep a good bitch down without doing a constant two step on her noggin all damn day? Heck ever more so how do you make a mage stay under without taking the last dirt nap, which I was all for after the last time she gave Box Cutter the face lift it so desperately did not need.
Well as the team starts trying to figure out how to get a hold of the “chemist” and trying to figure out how to keep baby cakes on ice. I call up a good Orc friend of mine who helps put people together shall we say. He tells me about this guy he can put me in contact with who can solve our immediate problem. Only issue is that this guy doesn’t take script he takes “favours”. And after meeting him all I can think of is if I knew what I was getting into I would have told my friend to pull his lip over his head and swallow, but I am getting ahead of myself.
So after some arguing about who was going with me to the meet and who was going to help out Phade we roll up to the Orc underground and meet this…. Vagrant I guess is the best thing you can call him. He tells us he can easily put chicky on ice for us but he wants 10 fresh dead bodies. All I can think is that he just made Ziggy’s day, the pshyco… and I mean that in the nicest way possible. So I ask the supreme babe and all around face melter that is Casey, I hear she has “relations” with the Juciyfruit twins, but don’t tell her I told you so J, to try and see if she can get this guy to work out some sort of payment plan,
because look at me I forgot my wallet full of corpses. Funny that. She gets this guy to agree to doing the deed for a freaking construct. Whatever that was I have no idea I kind of tuned out after they started talking about Men made of Iron and that jazz. I know that Ziggy called up the wicked from on High that is (insert band name here). And they said they knew someone who could get us one for a sweet wack of credits. But as he was looking to foot the bill I figured whatever worked would work well.
However he did pass on a good bit of knowledge about that bitch that trashed my “Monster on the Radio” show. I wanted some serious payback for it, but I have to admit turning her into cannon fodder for our cuase seemed a bit harsh even by my standards. So well we are trying to figure out what to do next, me I wanted to take a little vakay out to visit the elves. Yeah I know I am crazy but hey no one ever said Tire Iron’s friends were sane right? Right, anyhow.
So we get a call from Phade that the crazy chick, no not Phade the other one, yeah you know burnt jumpsuit. Yeah that one. She was just playing possum with Phade and as they say “From the prick of my thumb something wicked this way comes”. And by something wicked I should say a butt load of hurt for all of us. Did I mention that that girl is 10 pounds of crazy in a 2 pound bag. Yeah magic crazy fucking shit man, if you don’t run the shadows, stay clear. Just some sound advice from one who has been around it too often. Man I have this hilarious story about a run with the security guards and an orgasm spell. But later on that one fans.
So I rush back to get geared up like its world war freaking 3 and Ziggy pulls out his massive notice me I am just awesome rig and all we see is just this massive thing. I can’t even really describe it really. It was big and nasty and made yours truly feel like I was a bug next to a giant next to the freaking sun. The crazy mages start throwing around magic like its fucking pez candy and shit goes crazy. Casey is going all RAWR HULK SMASH THAT ASS on the creature and Whitefeathers is doing some weird mojo. Ziggy not wanting to be shown up is sitting there playing a good two beat staccato of Death Destruction and general Mayhem out his new rig. AH see what I did there. Well I am just feeling about as use full as a set of tits on a nun, when Phade disappears and Quicksilver starts gong all hey baby check on this crazy guitar shredding I can do. Oh yeah the dude total has an AI in his guitar. Yeah I know a FUCKING AI MAN, no lie its insane dude. He is all screw you bitch I own these streets with my Jimmy Hendy style WAHHHHMMMMMMM yeah rock YEAH THROW UP THE HORNS shredding.
Phade not to be undone does some sort of crazy mage crap and all of a sudden there is this massive beast going blow for blow with the other freaking crazy beast. Did I mention that magic makes you feel insecure? Like sorry mama I swear that never happens usually insecure. Jeeze. So the guys are just going crazy when I notice that down goes quicksilver’s buddy, and man is he a harry one, with things on the inside of this body being on the outside of his body. And all I can think is hey I got a medi bot, let’s see what I can do.
I pull up and plug his ass into my medi bot 2000 and all of a sudden I can tell someone is rigging that sucker. I am like buddy my tech, my network, how uncivilized to hack me right when you know the stuff has hit the fan. That’s why I realize that freaking calvery is here and cars start driving themselves into the big bad wolf. Yeah man I kid you know hackers of the world unite. So I am watching the general chaos going off around me and think man I need to create a mad beat to this, cause I am going to love watching this in repeat. Okay I was really thinking OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT I don’t want to die. But hey let’s face it that really isn’t heroic right?
I notice Mama Macbeth and Whitefeathers do the chunky salsa dance as the Phade Beast just tears a new on out of this nasty spirit. I am thinking yeah we are winning this one. When my over Zealous “friends” AI decided a freaking 747 should end the problem nicely. Yeah a plane is coming crashing down on Box Cutter and I am sitting there thinking I need some popcorn to go with the life flashing by my eyes. When Phade Jumps up and freaking eats the plane. I kid you not, she ate the plane. Though it did some serious damage to her. I grab the bodies as they hit the floor and get them back to home base
to keep them alive on medical support and here I sit. Everyone looks okay but it’s a mess out there guys.
You might want to steer clear for I don’t know… ever. Cause after this Box Cutter is going to be under new management.