The Chemical Atlas

Digital Dossier 02
Follow the Money

“Welcome to NewsNet, it is currently Monday, Feb 4, 2013, and I am your host, Sheila Franks. Our top story tonight is the Horizon passenger train that was hijacked traveling between Tir Taingire and Seattle last night. Train number 1185 inexplicably stopped a few kilometers outside the metroplex limits without broadcasting an emergency signal. Horizon security services were the first to arrive on the scene, and what they found was Hello? shocking.

“Train 1185, according to a statement released by Horizon Security Services, Is there was hijacked. anybody out Several there passengers ? were robbed at gunpoint by men and women wearing military-style chameleon suits and using Doberman-class attack drones. They damaged the communication dish on the train to prevent it from issuing a general alert until it was too late, and during the hijacking, the assailants killed 6 UCAS civilians. Victor Larson is standing by at the scene with more details, Victor?”


“Yes, hello Sheila, I’m standing IKNOWYOUHADSOMETHINGTODOWITHTHIShere at the stalled train, which Horizon has still been unable to get moving again, though the passengers have long since been given transportation to Seattle by a bus provided by the UCAS military. As you can see, there is no structural damage to the train, but officer Tula with HorAKJDHLAKJS HDFLIJAHSDKJVBXCNMVBCK VZHLCXKJVB ASNBVLKBHoshdifhyszduihvkjdnbvmxcnvzchvld654984651321265468786654150461541984654618719654135149871465419817965436514768719/8764354687198716543241968463546546546546ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppizon Security Services has informed me that the Are you there? computer hardware that controls the train has been completely fried. It’s going to be another few days before their tech teams can replace all those parts, and that means the trains are going to have to be routed through different cities.


“A spokesperson for the Zuriel? Salish-Sidhe Council earlier today said they are giving their permission for few passenger-only trains to be rerouted through their country, kkklkkkjkjlkjlkjl so long as they remain kjk kjkfjflsdfjsd fkfjsdsd flskjd flskdjflkfj slkdfjasdkfasdlkfjwaoefw8fwaye89a8dfisadyf9pas8dyfa9p8dsyfp9whr2urhq2li4uhqweasdhfolahsdjkfhasdkbxccvkbsclivauwdyfP9WOHFjkdfdkh;kjsdfkajsd;kfajsdfsdfjsdlfkjsdfWhydon’tyouanswermeIknowyoucanhearme sealed during their trip through.

“The real I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME ZURIELquestion going through everyone’s mind in the past twelve hours has been: who did this? Just an hour before this LKJADODUPOUDFKADSKVNCXKMVNXCMNVZOIFU PWIOU 4P;4TP Q0384T HH3OH4TQ34TQLR;TQM3;PI UTQ034TGHQREJGKNFDKJBV FDKJBFV VALEFHwe;p09fui2j3;proi2-3pro2i40r9u4ohrekfjndmvnsd;ovisduvhp;aourbgk.amr ngmd.kv dkjcbhpefoaiguh4br.kgj ae.rg adf.lvjkdhfbp;aoierugholakj4g madf v.lkadsjfhvgawo;ih4tqkn4 q4hlciqu4htnqp98ut2pm049ut;qo4itj50g,ew9p0righ-eokhwp4tihj3; 5ogq365g546re4gdf168g7 e9r8g4a6s5da468g4rt816 8u7yk,49i8y k768rl9781u9k54tyj 4r2h1 aqe6rg5 w49f 8w7ef65a4wa6w35v12sadva6wef87aw9e6f5as4f63asd21fs6df5a4sdf6a3d2f1sdf6w817ef9aw654fs4f broadcast, we got our I CAN SMELL YOU answer.
“California-based terrorist group TerraFist has claimed responsibility for the stopped train, and has made several demands concerning the manufacture of train and railroad systems. They released an anonymous video claiming responsibility for the attack, as well as threatening the 01000100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01100010 01101100 01101001 01101110 01101011 00101110 00100000 01000100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101111 01101011 00100000 01100001 01110111 01100001 01111001 00101110 00100000 01010111 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100110 01101001 01101110 01100100 01110011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100001 01110011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110001 01110101 01100101 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00101110 00100000 01000100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110011 01101001 01110100 01100001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100001 01101110 01110011 01110111 01100101 01110010 00101100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100100 01101111 00101100 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110100 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100101 01111001 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101111 01101101 00100000 01101001 01110100 00101110 00100000 01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100001 01110011 01101011 01110011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01110011 01110111 01100101 01110010 00101100 00100000 01101001 01100110 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100001 01111001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100001 01110011 01101011 01110011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01101111 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110001 01110101 01100101 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00101100 00100000 01110010 01110101 01101110 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00101110 00100000 01001001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01111001 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00101110 00100000 01001001 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110111 01100001 01111001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00101100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101001 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101100 00100000 01011010 01110101 01110010 01101001 01100101 01101100 00101110 00100000 01001001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01110010 01101001 01100111 01101000 01110100 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110010 01101001 01100111 01101000 01110100 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00101110 lives of anyone traveling in the next few days. Horizon has responded by saying each of their trains would be guaranteed safety by the presence of a joint-corporate task force consisting of both Horizon and Aztechnology security services consisting of high-threat response personnel added to the administrative train staff, accompaniment by patrol helicopters, and a constant-communication policy with the local government militaries.

I can smell you.

Session 02
The Simple (Train) Job

Date: July 15, 2072

Digital Dossier: Follow the Money

Senior Jaoija enlisted the Juicyfruits to hijack a Horizon corporate train enroute to Seattle, through Tir Tairngire, from the California Free State. Impressed by the music video created from the footage from the Halloweener raid on Boxcutter, Jaoija not only encouraged mayhem but offered them a bonus per confirmed kill on camera, and an additional bonus for the confirmed murder of the train’s security spider. More specifically, Jaoija hired the Juicyfruits to infiltrate the train and steal a briefcase belonging to a business man with an armed, undercover entourage.

The Juicyfruits caught a plane to Sacramento where they briefly tangled with a couple thugs who didn’t take kindly to Japanese, metahumans, or outsiders in general before they booked passage on the train. Once inside, Ziggy began slowly probing the train’s secure nodes and was surprised at just how easy it was. Taking out, and killing, the security spider proved incredibly easy.

During the trip, Click was tapped on the shoulder by a smiling elf who boarded in Tir Tairngire. He introduced himself as Jack Frost and indicated he could tell Click was a technomancer, that he was one himself, and that he was putting together a collective in the Tir should he ever be interested. The elf woman he was with was silent.

The Juicyfruits were able to use the train’s own nonlethal security measures to their advantage and made quick work of the security detail, got the briefcase, and made their escape. As they exited, though, they realized that the elf woman accompanying Frost, once unconscious, looked exactly like Casey.

After the run, the Juicyfruits broke into the briefcase to find out it contained very small core samples of pure orichalcum from somewhere off the coast of Germany. They then delivered the briefcase and successfully completed that run.

Fist Pump Radio, Episode 02
and Trideo Arena Round 01

California Trideo Arena, Round 01 Results:

#1. Northstar, featuring the single “Self Propelled Rotary Hoe” by One Minute to Armageddon

#2. Whiplash, featuring the single “Cinnamon C4″ by Leopold’s Red Hot Lederhosen

#3. Witchhammer, featuring their own single “Embers”

#4. Sonic 6, featuring the single “Jo-berg Nights” by Azanian Nightflight

#5. Razorwire, featuring the single “General Psycho” by The Screaming FreeCal Sisters

#6. Shatterstorm, featuring the single “Reflections” by Silvertree

#7. The Juicyfruits, featuring the single “CO2″ by Synthamahol and themselves

#8. Corkscrew, featuring the single “Grumpy Toad” by The Blacklight Ballerinas

#9. Popcorn and Jacks, featuring the single “Bobbing for Boobies” by Two-Ton Wanker

#10. Poison AROS, featuring the single “Glorious Leader Rides the Mystic Unicorn” by Orc Korea

#11. Section Z, featuring “10-Yen Frank” by Claw My Eyes Out
Digital Dossier 01
The Spirit of Karma

“Candy, it’s ok, take a deep breath,” said the voice on the other end of the commcall. The voice was deep and soothing, responding to the sniffles and sobs Candy couldn’t hold in anymore. There had been too much death and pain, and Candy had been holding in too much for too long. “It’s good you called. Just start at the beginning and tell me everything. I’m here to give you what you need, Candy baby, and right now, you need a friend.”

“Ok.” Candy was sitting on her bedroll in her econapartment, its walls thick with poorly overlapping AR overlays of beautiful, exotic places cut and pasted from travel brochures and virtual mags. Her legs were drawn up to her chest, and she was surrounded by an army of used tissues, battle-stained blue and back from makeup and nanopaste. She was glad she left the vid feed off the call because, she thought to herself, she must look like a royal mess. She took that deep breath.

“It all started when I met this boy Grinder. He was running with a gang called the Red Rats, but it was kind of obvious he was a rich kid gone ghetto. He was sweet, though, y’know, and when he visited the strip he would ask for me. Paid extra, too, so we could just hang out during the workday. Miss Elijah, you know, the House lady, knew what was going on and was nice enough to charge him a lot less than she would for the usual ‘pillow talk’ service. I think she thought he was a nice kid.

“The Rats got in trouble, though, and a bigger gang from a few blocks down, the Iron Sharks, raided the Rats and killed them all except him. He was with me when the raid happened, and he found out too late that his mates were in trouble. He cried, and he was so mad his face turned red and purple, and he would have stormed out of here and got himself killed if it weren’t for Miss E. She took him aside and said something to him. I don’t know what she said, but she scared him something good cause he called his dad.” Candy dried an errant tear with a bit of tissue and continued.

“Grinder and his dad didn’t exactly get on. Something about his dead mom, I don’t know, but I knew that calling his dad was the last thing he wanted to do. Anyway, he called him and was askin’ to meet him at some shitty diner called The Willy when someone poked their head in and told us a couple Sharks were cruising the strip with Grinder’s mughsot. Someone must have snitched in him, but a lot of the girls here don’t take kindly to hunting on our street, so nobody minded much when I took them out.

“You took on a couple Iron Sharks for him?”

“Not exactly. I shot them with the rifle got from Friday’s the week before. It was a big gun and I never shot one before, but Grinder had showed me how to hold it and… it was easy, actually. It was kinda a little too easy.” Candy stopped talking for a minute, remembering those guys in the blue and white windbreakers falling down like puppets whose strings had been cut. Strings she cut.

“It’s okay,” said the sweet voice on the commcall, “take your time. If you need to call me back…”

“No,” Candy said, interrupting the man on the other end. “I gotta tell this to someone, and I gotta tell the whole thing. Please, just listen.”


“So Grinder was scared now cuz he thought they knew where he was. I told him they didn’t know for sure but he didn’t listen, he just kept saying he had to get out lay low somewhere else. He told me he was going to see Jeff, his bong-buddy who cleaned the Stuffer Shack, about hiding somewhere in the store. That was the last I heard from him, but not the last I heard of him.

“See, things got kinda weird then, cause Miss Elijah brought a lady to see me about Grinder. She looked tough, not like gang tough but, I don’t know, different tough. Anyway, Miss E told me to tell her everything so I did. Said she was helping his dad to find him before the Sharks. Something happened that I don’t really get, but I guess Brook, one of the commsex girls upstairs, Brook, happened to pick up the tough lady’s commcall while Brook trying to eavesdrop on a someone else’s sex chat. She told me later they were ‘runners of some kind working for Grinder’s dad, which is awesome and all, but I guess Miss E knew the Sharks were probably scanning the commlines, too, and she stormed in and told the lady they might already be too late.”

“Jesus. Was he ok?” The voice asked, full of genuine concern.

“Just shut up, Dave, and listen to me. Those runners made it over to the Shack before the Sharks did, but you remember that Halloweener raid that nearly leveled a neighborhood last week?”

“Yea, that was all over the news. Said there were dead bodies everywhere and someone set off a whole lot of fireworks before the cops broke it up.”

“You ain’t that stupid, Davie, you know full well the cops didn’t do shit. We’re still picking up the bodies, though.”

“Oh shit.” There was a heavy silence as the reality of what Candy was about to describe occurred to him.

“So one of those runners was the one to first see the raiding party coming and got the word out to a couple locals, so when the Sharks got to the Shack they weren’t too worried about Grinder anymore. They set up defensive-like in the Shack but they weren’t alone, though, and I know those runners were there cause someone brought fucking Doberman drones, and someone said there was even some kind of poison lady hidden in the back protecting something. Nobody ever figured out what.

“Only reason we even know any of this is because the Sharks took the encryption off their commlines and pretty much let everyone tap in when the drek hit the fan. They might have been a bunch of assholes but everybody here is local, you know? Anyway, when the raid hit, they hit nearly everything in Boxcutter Row at once, but when they saw the Sharks holed up in the Shack, they hit up that place with everything they had. I’ve heard so many things about what happened that day, but I was scared and… I hid.

“I gave Grinder my rifle before he left in case he got caught, so I hid upstairs with a bunch of other girls. We could hear the gunfire and screaming and fires out in the streets. The Halloweeners, see, they like fire a lot for some reason, so the air was full of gas fumes cuz they were dousing cars outside and setting them on fire. This is the turf of a smaller gang called the Blue Angels, too, and I know they came out and stood up to the Halloweeners best as they could. I think they came out ok, they had some decent guns at least, but I know we got so many injured girls here that business has been in the pits lately.”

“Oh my god, Candy, that’s horrible. I’m so sorry.”

“So the place is a little more burnt down, but you know what? This place sucked so hard before you’d never even know the raid happened. We got a few more burnt down buildings and the Sharks are all dead. No big loss, I guess, unless they were your family. Couple of the girls here been out since the hit doing funeral stuff. There isn’t a Stuffer Shack anymore, though, because one of the Halloweeners blew the whole place sky high with some kind of insane bomb. The rubble from the explosion even just kinda blends in with the rest of the trash, though.

“I survived, and life goes on, and I get all that fuzzy you’ll-be-ok drek. But I got an email from that lady who said Grinder was safe, and she gave me a drop location to send him a message. I dropped him one I got printed out at the next nearest Stuffer Shack, like a twenty minute fucking bus ride away, but I don’t know if he got it. I mean, god damn it, the Sharks are dead, if he was alive, he’d send me a message, right? Unless he didn’t really care and he was just another asshole I fell for. I don’t care, though, even if he decided to turn into a god damn corp kid again, I love him, Davie, and he can’t even fucking call me.

“I only got that lady’s word he’s even alive, an she’s the one that might’ve told the Sharks where to find him, an I just couldn’t lie here sucking cock for grocery credits and wondering if the man I love was in that store when it fucking vaporized, and I just needed to talk to someone.” She started quietly sobbing again. “I just needed to tell someone, Davie, I just needed someone I could tell everything to before Miss E skins me alive for running out on a John today, and I didn’t know where to go or who to call, I just needed to hear a voice that wasn’t some fucking automated system…” Her face screwed up in despair and she started crying again. The voice let her get it all out, for a good five minutes, before it responded.

“Now you listen to me, Candy, and listen good. You don’t know me, but I’ve been working the sex commcall business for a long time, longer than I like to admit sometimes, but I know what I’m talking about when I tell you to take the day off, get your shit together, and go see Miss E first thing tomorrow. You got lucky today cause it just so happens I know a lady here who helps your Miss E part-time with her accounting, so I’m gonna tell her you called, tell her what happened, and everything is going to be ok. You gotta trust me, kiddo. As for needing someone to talk to, honey, you call Davie the Babe anytime. In fact, this call’s on me. I lost someone once, too, but that’s another story for another time. You call me sometime later and ask me about it, ok?” Candy sniffled and blew her nose.

“Ok. Thank you, Davie.”

“Goodbye, Candy, and take care of yourself.”

The line went dead as he ended the call, and Davie the Babie’s gorgeous profile picture disappeared from the commcall ARO, which now simply displayed the elapsed call time and amount of nuyen he transferred back to her account. The econapartment was silent, full of gentle AR oceans and wheat fields that failed to catch Candy’s eye. She sat there for another hour, wiping her nose and just trying to make it as quiet in her head as it was outside.

Then she heard the jingly tone of an incoming transmission. A little ARO popped up that simply said “Incoming Call from: Grinder. Do you accept? Yes / No.”

Session 01
Sarariman in a Strange Land

Date: July 1, 2072

Digial Dossier: The Spirit of Karma

In this session, Lady Macbeth enlists the aid of the Juicyfruits to find and help a man in a sharp suit asking all the wrong questions in Boxcutter Row. He turned out to be Jonathan Hendrickson, a salesman for WelWorx Industries (of Ares), looking to save his son, Grinder, a member of the Red Rats street gang in danger of being killed in the recently-lost war between them and the rival gang, the Iron Sharks.

After saving Hendrickson from a roving band of tech-gangers, the Juicyfruits followed a few leads, investigating secret hiding places in Boxcutter, until clues led them to a prostitute named Candy on Stripper Lane, who said Grinder got scared when some Iron Sharks came looking for him. She told him he was hiding in the Boxcutter’s only Stuffer Shack.

It was at the time the party realized their communications were unencrypted, and sure enough, Click, using an aerial drone, confirmed there were a band of Iron Sharks mobilizing and heading to the Shack. It was during this reconnaissance that Click saw the oncoming storm of Halloweeners making their way across the city in a multitude of vehicles. The warning shout went out, and the Iron Sharks, instead of storming the Shack to take out Grinder, fortified the location and battened down for a fight.

The Blue Angels hit the scene as well, and when the Halloweeners hit, there was a massive firefight in the street. Gangers, it turns out, are little match for drones with full auto capabilities, however, and waves of them were wiped out. Angry and refusing to give in, the Halloweeners made one last ditch attack on the Shack and a suicide bomber ran a massive improvised explosive device through the door and blew the Shack to pieces.

Lucky for him, the Casey knocked Grinder out with a tranquilizer before the fight and stuffed him in Ziggy’s car, which drove him remotely to a safe place.

Stuffer Shack, Gordon St, Redmon, Seattle Metroplex
Welcome to the Chemical Atlas


Initiating legacy shell interface…





Welcome to the Seattle Foodie Server, guest312564785236-885685520007
For help, type /help

>search Stuffer Shack, Redmond, Gordon Street


Results: 1

1) Stuffer Shack Franchise #44-53210

>details 1

Stuffer Shack Franchise #44-53210 1156 Gordon St Redmond, Seattle UCAS S1T-0044253 Commcode: S1T-0044253-68-57-85-88-96-50 Branch Manager: Max Stewart

load additional details? Y/N


>access 1 –a –l

Accessing Reviews for Stuffer Shack Franchise #44-53210
All Reviews, List usernames

loaded successfully


—–Stuffer Shack Franchise #44-53210—–
Display All Reviews, w/ usernames

“This is the only place to get a bite at 3 in the morning anywhere near Gordon St ever since someone stole that Mega Hork-ka-Bob dispenser on Fraser by the Mediclinic.”

“If you’re unfortunate enough to wind up in Boxcutter Row, that neighborhood with the shut-down factories that nobody wants to buy around Gordon St, yea, you might as well pop into the Stuffer Shack and buy something to ease the pain.”
-White Tusk

“Just be careful when you go there, that’s Blue Angel Turf.”
-Sage Stu

“Hey Sage, fuck you. Everybody and their mama knows you a Blue Wankel now, like that fucking means anything. “
-Major Mojo

“Say what you want, but Boxcutter’s a weird place, even for Redmond. I heard the Iron Sharks even got real nice to the Angels after they caught wind there’s a scary wolf shaman wearing blue wings around there. I heard if you say her name in front of an ARO self-cam three times at midnight, she shows up and makes your head explode. Jesus.”

“Only good mage is a dead mage. Boxcutter’s also got that witch lady and her featherheaded dandelion-sucking boyfriend watching over the place and making sure everyone holds hands and sings kumbaya around the campire every night. Makes me sick.”
-Space Hat

“Wow Space, you’re such an asshole. That “witch” is Lady Macbeth, and she keeps this place from falling in on itself sometimes. As for “her boyfriend,” White Feathers is one of the most chill people ever. They’re like the living saints of this shitty neighborhood.”
-Captain Science

“Space Hat, the next time you’re in a Stuffer Shack, which will be the next time you leave your parents’ basement in Renton to hiss in the sunlight and complain that reality doesn’t have enough pixels, why don’t you write a detailed review of what’s it’s like to stick your head inside of the deep fryer.”

“HEY KIDS, WANNA THIRD EYE ON THE CHEAP? HOW ABOUT MONKEY FEET? I’LL GIVE YOU TEN FOR THE PRICE OF NOTHING. THAT’S RIGHT, NOTHING. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, NEITHER OF US ARE GETTING ANY YOUNGER, BUT YOU CAN, AND I WON’T CHARGE YOU A CENT. #youth #affordableCyberWare #probonomedicine #unnaturalmaleenhancement #boxcutterRow #suicideWatch #dietCronkDistrbutor #thisTagMeansNothing #bananas #trogRock #iknowyouarebutwhatami
-Crazy Hacko

“Spam, don’t click on the link.”
-Sage Stu

“I was down there doing some repairs on a building’s HVAC and when I pulled open some of those shafts, there were more devil rats in there than bullets in an Ares Weapon Emporium. I’ve never seen so many before, and we had to dismantle the ENTIRE FUCKING HVAC SYSTEM FOR A RESIDENTIAL BUILDING. Man those people were pissed, and I don’t blame them. Still, the overtime was awesome.
-Richard Swift, Site Supervisor, Forest Air HVAC Systems

“That guy Hacko runs a joint in Boxcutter Row where he patches people up and gives cyberware installs for free, but people don’t walk out of there the same. Don’t click the link, don’t look him up, stay away from Hacko. He’s not right in the head.”
-Major Mojo

“Hey, the Stuffer Shank isn’t far from Slutsville, Boxcutter’s hooker street, so now you can get a squishie, then run down the street for a squishie.”

“Don’t tell me what a squishie is, I really don’t want to know.”
– I_Ate_A_Rolls_Royce_Once

“I have never seen so much bullshit in a franchise review before. What the hell are you people doing with your lives?”
-Max Stewart, Stuffer Shack franchise #44-53210 manager

“So hey, I didn’t know this thing would print my whole name, so it’s TIME FOR A PROMO! Anyone who comes by franchise #44-53210 in the next week with the promo code “squishie” will get a free large BrainFreezer. No hard feelings? Please?” #promotionalOffer #BrainFreezerEvent #pleasedontkillme
-Max Stewart, Stuffer Shack franchise #44-53210 manager

“Hey chummers, did you hear the Yakuza is moving into Boxcutter? For reals, I see this guy driving a rice rocket down Gordon St like everday, man.”

“Nah, that dude is fake as fuck.”
-Sage Stu

“Free squishies! Every chummer for themselves!”
-Captain Science


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